Redeemed

This week has been one struggle after another. I haven't been sleeping through the night because my mind will not stop running a bajillion miles a minute. I'm staying up late with my thoughts. So I start planning, worrying, searching, and justifying until I pass out. Then while I think I'm innocently catching some Zzz's, my brain gets me again and leaks all those thoughts into my dreams. Then I'm awake and and working through it all again.

Work has been long days all week for both of us. Due to the lack of quality sleep, those days are tough! On Thursday of last week, I left late for work to find a blanket of fog that kept me from seeing the mailbox at the end of the driveway. Immediately the blood pressure spikes. Not only am I getting a late start, but I'll never make up the time in this fog with morning traffic, and I'm gonna be late. The commute was slow as expected but steady and much easier than expected. I felt the tension slackening a little bit.

I tuned to KLOVE, and there was a woman caller on talking to the djs. I had missed the original reason for her call, but what I heard really caught me. Then they asked her if she could hold to continue the story in 15 minutes. I was so disappointed because in 15 minutes, I needed to be walking into work. I kept listening, and just as I was thinking I wouldn't know the rest of the story, they brought her back early. She had a testimony of so much hope. I will not go into the entire story, but it was related to 11 years of marriage and children and doubting but keeping the faith. She prayed for years to change someone in her life. When that wasn't working, she started praying to change herself. That didn't work, and she realized she was praying the wrong prayers. She changed her prayers to ask that she can willingly accept God's will in her life. Then it all turned around.

I recently told my dear friend that I felt guilty because I wanted to ask everyone to pray that we get this baby  with no problems or setbacks. I know that God knows which baby is ours and will provide when the time and situation is right. She told me it is okay to pray for God's will to match the desires of your heart. So when I heard that lady's story, I took a deep breath and let out a long exhale and felt a weight lifted. Worrying is not going to help us get our baby any quicker.

The song Redeemed came on the radio immediately after. It starts like this:

Seems like all I could see was the struggle

Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past

Bound up in shackles of all my failures

Wondering how long is this gonna last

Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "Son,

Stop fighting a fight, it's already been won"

I believe very strongly that I was running late on my time that day, but I was right on the time God had planned for me that day. Thank you Jesus for knowing what I need more than I do and for showing me right when I need it.

Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave

Who Am I

The adoptive parents' profile is arguably the most important project in process of finding our baby. It was also the least stressful and most fun part! It was a creative outlet in the midst of crunching numbers, completing forms, crossing t's and dotting i's.

Because I feel it is great, brief but sufficient description, I've stolen the following verbiage from Little Blessing Adoption*:
"An Adoption Profile (or sometimes called Dear Birthmother Letter, Parent Profile, Adoption Resume, Adoption Book or Life Book) is a document given to expecting parents who are considering an adoption plan for their child. With most domestic adoptions you need to provide your adoption professional (agency, facilitator, attorney) with a Profile they can show to birthparents so they can select a forever family for their baby. A profile should be an eye-catching, heartfelt, photo-filled, creative document showing a family's wishes for a child and their strong desire to expand their family through adoption"

Ours was organized as follows:
1. Cover page w/ our names and a photo
2. Birthmother Letter
3.Our Couple Story with photos
4. Page about MB by Andrew with photos of her
5. Page about Andrew by MB with photos of him
6. Photos of our pet babies
7. - 9. Info about and photos of our friends and family
10. Photos of our godchildren
11. More photos of us
12. Info and photos about our home and community
13. Closing letter of thanks and a photo

My advice for the profile is to research and try to look at as many as you can. It's good for reference, but when it comes to making yours, make it your own. We were told that ours came across as "real" and that is what separated us from the others. The first impression is everything with birthparents.

* We did not use this website or the services offered by it. I simply used the description for this blog.

Who Am I by Casting Crowns

Fear

Something has held me back from showing this blog to the world. Once it's out there, this most personal thing that is happening in our lives is open to criticism and commentary. Why would anyone purposefully be so vulnerable? As noted, I am an optimist, cautious or not. I am naive enough to still believe in the good in people. And moreover that evil will be trumped by good. I believe that if I continue to release positivity into the world, it will be returned to me. And mostly I believe that God will protect me from the negativity and pain. And I think that goodness will prevail.

Know that a blog is an expression of one's heart and mind. And while I am opening myself to all sorts of judgement, I am doing it willingly. And although I will be the author most of the time, I am doing it with the blessing of my one of a kind, incredible, amazing husband. Reading the blogs of others in the midst of the journey of adoption has been therapeutic and education and equally heart-warming and heart-wrenching. If even one person is helped by anything in this silly blog of ours, it's far-exceeded my expectations. Thanks for being an audience.

Taking a deep breath and going to FB official...

Fear by Sarah McLachlan