Over the last three weekends, the planets have aligned perfectly so that Andrew and I could have Saturday breakfast dates. It's such a treat because our lives do not allow for time together in the morning very often. I've enjoyed it so much that I've been hoping its a new tradition for us. And I am imagining Saturday morning breakfasts with our child(ren). All of us around the table with big stacks of pancakes and sticky fingers and lots of laughter!
I am so excited to start a new year with this man and see where our dreams lead us. I know 2013 is going to bring wonderful changes for us! Happy New Year!!!
Saturday Morning by Lanie Lane
Monday, December 31, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Don't Give Up
I am continuously reminded that God has us in his hands, and that he is performing miracles every day. My sweet, smart friend Bonnie has created a fundraiser for us and has already raised so much money for us in less than a week! She bought a ton of baby bottles and tagged them with our blog address. The idea is to get them out to anyone who will take them and fill em up with loose change.
Please let me know if you would like to have a few bottles. I was very surprised to see how much one of these little bottles will hold. And everyone has a change jar, car cupholder full of loose change, or a wallet that is weighed down with coins.
We are blessed more and more every day. And even when something discouraging happens, I realize that there is no need to worry. God will find a way to fill our needs.
Please let me know if you would like to have a few bottles. I was very surprised to see how much one of these little bottles will hold. And everyone has a change jar, car cupholder full of loose change, or a wallet that is weighed down with coins.
We are blessed more and more every day. And even when something discouraging happens, I realize that there is no need to worry. God will find a way to fill our needs.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me - put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."
Philippians 4:6-9
Don't forget that our t-shirt fundraiser is on-going. We have had an incredible response to it and are working to fill the orders as soon as possible. THANK YOU!!
And we are very grateful for the donations that have been coming from friends, family and even those we do not know. We hope that we are able to give back in the ways we have been blessed.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Heaven Help
We have had several people ask questions about how they can donate or how they can help. We appreciate your interest in supporting our adoption. Here are several ways:
> Tell our story: Tell people we are fundraising, tell them about our shirts. Post about it on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. Send e-mails! You don't have to purchase a shirt or make a donation to help.
> Make a donation using Paypal: Click the "Donate" button on the left side of the page and enter the amount you wish to donate. It will go directly into our adoption fund account.
> Make a donation without a Paypal account: Send us an e-mail, and we will give you our mailing address.
> If you are crafty or have your own business: Let us know if you would be willing to donate goods or services for an auction or raffle. I am working on gathering items now, and in exchange you will receive free advertising via word of mouth and social media.
> If you have other ideas for us: PLEASE TELL US!!! Other than taking it's toll on us emotionally, the failed adoption depleted more than 2/3 of our budget. We are having to turn down situations daily when all we want to do is bring home our baby. It is a shame that money is keeping us from having our family.
> Never stop Praying!: As we've stated several times, we know that our prayers and those of others are carrying us through the ups and downs of this journey and will eventually see us through to having our baby in our arms. Thank you for your faithfulness and keep it up!
Heaven Help by Lenny Kravitz
> Tell our story: Tell people we are fundraising, tell them about our shirts. Post about it on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest. Send e-mails! You don't have to purchase a shirt or make a donation to help.
> Make a donation using Paypal: Click the "Donate" button on the left side of the page and enter the amount you wish to donate. It will go directly into our adoption fund account.
> Make a donation without a Paypal account: Send us an e-mail, and we will give you our mailing address.
> If you are crafty or have your own business: Let us know if you would be willing to donate goods or services for an auction or raffle. I am working on gathering items now, and in exchange you will receive free advertising via word of mouth and social media.
> If you have other ideas for us: PLEASE TELL US!!! Other than taking it's toll on us emotionally, the failed adoption depleted more than 2/3 of our budget. We are having to turn down situations daily when all we want to do is bring home our baby. It is a shame that money is keeping us from having our family.
> Never stop Praying!: As we've stated several times, we know that our prayers and those of others are carrying us through the ups and downs of this journey and will eventually see us through to having our baby in our arms. Thank you for your faithfulness and keep it up!
Heaven Help by Lenny Kravitz
Angels Among Us
I am so thankful that this journey of adoption has brought a lot of wonderful people into my life, but one very special new mommy has become one of my dearest friends and best confidants. She has talked me down from the ledge on more occasions than I would like to admit. And she simply will not let me sit and be sad for a minute. I feel guilty that sometimes I think she is working harder to make us parents than we are. Not only has she shown us so much love and support, but now she is the source of our first fundraiser.
We have t-shirts!! These shirts were used to raise funds to bring their beautiful angel home. Now that she is living the dream of motherhood, she has donated all of their remaining shirts to us.
There are two styles, and we have them in sizes Youth XS all the way up to 3XL. One was made by a local shop and features the verse "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you" John 14:18 and is priced at $10 for youth sizes and $15 for adults. It comes in purple, red, white and a very few gray are left.
We have t-shirts!! These shirts were used to raise funds to bring their beautiful angel home. Now that she is living the dream of motherhood, she has donated all of their remaining shirts to us.
There are two styles, and we have them in sizes Youth XS all the way up to 3XL. One was made by a local shop and features the verse "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you" John 14:18 and is priced at $10 for youth sizes and $15 for adults. It comes in purple, red, white and a very few gray are left.
The other was printed by Southern Belle and states "What is impossible with man, is possible with God" Luke 18:27 and is priced at $12 for youth sizes and $18 for adults.
To purchase a shirt (or many shirts), please follow the directions below:
-Buy a
t-shirt using PayPal and have it delivered: If you live nearby, Click the "Donate" button on
the left side of the page and enter the total dollar amount for the shirts you
wish to purchase (ex. $36 for two shirts) and in the "message" box
enter the size(s) [and color(s) if ordering the one with John 14:18]. We will deliver them to you when they arrive. It will go
directly into our adoption fund account.
-Buy a
t-shirt using PayPal and have it shipped: Follow instructions for delivery option above, but add $5.35
to your total for shipping via USPS Priority Mail. If you purchase multiples, I
will do my best to cram as many as possible into the small box, but for more
than 4, you will need to add $11.35 or more. Contact us for total shipping
charges before placing orders for more than 4.
-Buy a
t-shirt from one of our friends or family members: We will happily take advantage of our loved ones, and offer
their services. If you are in contact with one of our friends or family
members, you can give them cash or check with your t-shirt size(s) [and color(s) if ordering the one with John 14:18] in the
memo (made payable to us) and they will place the order for you.
And thank you for your continued prayers and for purchasing shirts to help us bring our baby home!
Thursday, November 22, 2012
No Words
A few short days ago, my fears were actualized. The one thing I dreaded so much and also the one thing I knew I could not hold a grudge about happened. I got a phone call from the birthmother that her feelings had changed, and she is keeping the baby. I felt a pain and disappointment unlike anything I have ever experienced. I completely lost control of my body... my brain stopped and my heart literally broke as I shuddered with sobs. God somehow led my car to Andrew. I got out of the car and clung to him. I felt like if I didn't grab something real and stable I might slip away and completely lose myself. I was afraid. Afraid of the weight of the despair. It was very sudden.
The next day, I woke up with puffy eyes, a pounding head and a sad heart. My friend made me leave the house, and made sure she kept me busy until Andrew got home from work. The day was a roller coaster. I felt exhausted all day, completely defeated. I made myself go into the room we've decorated for our baby. I did not want to avoid it.
On the next day, I was mostly on my own. That is how I like to deal with things. I slept in, ran some errands... no makeup, dirty hair, slouchy clothes. Unfortunate for the general public as I'm sure I looked the way I felt. At this point, only a few people knew what had happened, and I spent the day dreading having to notify everyone else. I imagined the words of this exact post at least four dozen times but never could muster the courage to sit and write it that day.
The next day, I woke with a can do attitude. I got ready for work and on my way in felt good. I felt I had accepted what was not happening, and now I needed to take care of the business of cancelling my leave of absence. I walked in with my head held high, and my boss came to my desk with a big smile saying "It's almost time to go get that sweet boy!" And my resolve melted away. Tears pooled in my eyes as I told her we were not getting him. She gave me a hug, and in an effort to re-gather my strength I took the sonogram photo down and took it to the shredder box, never looking at it.
I am going to skip the details of the next few days and sum it up as every day gets better. I am at peace with that not being our baby. I know that I confused what I was willing to be God's plan with what his plan was. I truly believe He needed us to play a part in that baby's life. I pray that he will be well cared for, and I have released my claim of him. I know that was not our baby. I know that God has our perfect baby out there, and when the time is right, he will provide the means and opportunity.
Today, I want to say how thankful I am that we are so blessed. I knew that we had good people in our lives, but I don't know that I fully appreciated what that meant. Less than a week ago, I thought that I did not want to face a life without the plan I had in place for the previous 3 months. I wanted to wake up from the nightmare of that phone call. As those I love have found out about this change of plans, they have reached out in a way that has healed me. All of the verses, cliche'd phrases, words of love, promises of prayers and even tears for how much they already loved the idea of our baby coming home with us soon. Those things have given me strength to face a new future and hope that if I thought I loved that baby, imagine how incredible it will be when I hold my child that will not be taken from me. It's something so wonderful, that I am almost thankful to have faced this failed adoption. We are even more excited about getting our real baby than we were when we first started the search
My husband is my source of strength. He is the reason that I am willing to go back out there searching again. He is going to make the most wonderful father! Being his partner in our lives together to this point has been so rewarding. Parenting with him will truly make my life! Thanks be to God for a wonderful life and for your perfect plan. Thank you for teaching me how to trust in You when I think I know best.
There is no song to use here. There are truly no words.
The next day, I woke up with puffy eyes, a pounding head and a sad heart. My friend made me leave the house, and made sure she kept me busy until Andrew got home from work. The day was a roller coaster. I felt exhausted all day, completely defeated. I made myself go into the room we've decorated for our baby. I did not want to avoid it.
On the next day, I was mostly on my own. That is how I like to deal with things. I slept in, ran some errands... no makeup, dirty hair, slouchy clothes. Unfortunate for the general public as I'm sure I looked the way I felt. At this point, only a few people knew what had happened, and I spent the day dreading having to notify everyone else. I imagined the words of this exact post at least four dozen times but never could muster the courage to sit and write it that day.
The next day, I woke with a can do attitude. I got ready for work and on my way in felt good. I felt I had accepted what was not happening, and now I needed to take care of the business of cancelling my leave of absence. I walked in with my head held high, and my boss came to my desk with a big smile saying "It's almost time to go get that sweet boy!" And my resolve melted away. Tears pooled in my eyes as I told her we were not getting him. She gave me a hug, and in an effort to re-gather my strength I took the sonogram photo down and took it to the shredder box, never looking at it.
I am going to skip the details of the next few days and sum it up as every day gets better. I am at peace with that not being our baby. I know that I confused what I was willing to be God's plan with what his plan was. I truly believe He needed us to play a part in that baby's life. I pray that he will be well cared for, and I have released my claim of him. I know that was not our baby. I know that God has our perfect baby out there, and when the time is right, he will provide the means and opportunity.
Today, I want to say how thankful I am that we are so blessed. I knew that we had good people in our lives, but I don't know that I fully appreciated what that meant. Less than a week ago, I thought that I did not want to face a life without the plan I had in place for the previous 3 months. I wanted to wake up from the nightmare of that phone call. As those I love have found out about this change of plans, they have reached out in a way that has healed me. All of the verses, cliche'd phrases, words of love, promises of prayers and even tears for how much they already loved the idea of our baby coming home with us soon. Those things have given me strength to face a new future and hope that if I thought I loved that baby, imagine how incredible it will be when I hold my child that will not be taken from me. It's something so wonderful, that I am almost thankful to have faced this failed adoption. We are even more excited about getting our real baby than we were when we first started the search
My husband is my source of strength. He is the reason that I am willing to go back out there searching again. He is going to make the most wonderful father! Being his partner in our lives together to this point has been so rewarding. Parenting with him will truly make my life! Thanks be to God for a wonderful life and for your perfect plan. Thank you for teaching me how to trust in You when I think I know best.
There is no song to use here. There are truly no words.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Home
I think they call it nesting. It may seem a little late to start this process, but come on people, I've had a very abbreviated "pregnancy." Last weekend, mom and I found the long sought after dresser/changing table. And we also found a well-loved rocker. GREAT Saturday morning at the flea market. Then we found all the fabric for the nursery in one place! Andrew and I cleared out the existing furniture to make room for the baby's stuff and picked up the crib from our friends on Sunday. I sorted through the clothes that have been donated and washed everything up to 6 months. It almost looks like a baby lives here now! Soon, my lovelies... very soon!
Home by Phillip Phillips
Home by Phillip Phillips
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Redeemed
This week has been one struggle after another. I haven't been sleeping through the night because my mind will not stop running a bajillion miles a minute. I'm staying up late with my thoughts. So I start planning, worrying, searching, and justifying until I pass out. Then while I think I'm innocently catching some Zzz's, my brain gets me again and leaks all those thoughts into my dreams. Then I'm awake and and working through it all again.
Work has been long days all week for both of us. Due to the lack of quality sleep, those days are tough! On Thursday of last week, I left late for work to find a blanket of fog that kept me from seeing the mailbox at the end of the driveway. Immediately the blood pressure spikes. Not only am I getting a late start, but I'll never make up the time in this fog with morning traffic, and I'm gonna be late. The commute was slow as expected but steady and much easier than expected. I felt the tension slackening a little bit.
I tuned to KLOVE, and there was a woman caller on talking to the djs. I had missed the original reason for her call, but what I heard really caught me. Then they asked her if she could hold to continue the story in 15 minutes. I was so disappointed because in 15 minutes, I needed to be walking into work. I kept listening, and just as I was thinking I wouldn't know the rest of the story, they brought her back early. She had a testimony of so much hope. I will not go into the entire story, but it was related to 11 years of marriage and children and doubting but keeping the faith. She prayed for years to change someone in her life. When that wasn't working, she started praying to change herself. That didn't work, and she realized she was praying the wrong prayers. She changed her prayers to ask that she can willingly accept God's will in her life. Then it all turned around.
I recently told my dear friend that I felt guilty because I wanted to ask everyone to pray that we get this baby with no problems or setbacks. I know that God knows which baby is ours and will provide when the time and situation is right. She told me it is okay to pray for God's will to match the desires of your heart. So when I heard that lady's story, I took a deep breath and let out a long exhale and felt a weight lifted. Worrying is not going to help us get our baby any quicker.
The song Redeemed came on the radio immediately after. It starts like this:
I believe very strongly that I was running late on my time that day, but I was right on the time God had planned for me that day. Thank you Jesus for knowing what I need more than I do and for showing me right when I need it.
Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave
Work has been long days all week for both of us. Due to the lack of quality sleep, those days are tough! On Thursday of last week, I left late for work to find a blanket of fog that kept me from seeing the mailbox at the end of the driveway. Immediately the blood pressure spikes. Not only am I getting a late start, but I'll never make up the time in this fog with morning traffic, and I'm gonna be late. The commute was slow as expected but steady and much easier than expected. I felt the tension slackening a little bit.
I tuned to KLOVE, and there was a woman caller on talking to the djs. I had missed the original reason for her call, but what I heard really caught me. Then they asked her if she could hold to continue the story in 15 minutes. I was so disappointed because in 15 minutes, I needed to be walking into work. I kept listening, and just as I was thinking I wouldn't know the rest of the story, they brought her back early. She had a testimony of so much hope. I will not go into the entire story, but it was related to 11 years of marriage and children and doubting but keeping the faith. She prayed for years to change someone in her life. When that wasn't working, she started praying to change herself. That didn't work, and she realized she was praying the wrong prayers. She changed her prayers to ask that she can willingly accept God's will in her life. Then it all turned around.
I recently told my dear friend that I felt guilty because I wanted to ask everyone to pray that we get this baby with no problems or setbacks. I know that God knows which baby is ours and will provide when the time and situation is right. She told me it is okay to pray for God's will to match the desires of your heart. So when I heard that lady's story, I took a deep breath and let out a long exhale and felt a weight lifted. Worrying is not going to help us get our baby any quicker.
The song Redeemed came on the radio immediately after. It starts like this:
Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "Son,
Stop fighting a fight, it's already been won"
I believe very strongly that I was running late on my time that day, but I was right on the time God had planned for me that day. Thank you Jesus for knowing what I need more than I do and for showing me right when I need it.
Redeemed by Big Daddy Weave
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